Dear Life …

Ya, MAN!

Beautiful, MAN!

My morning was fantastic. Started with a great song “Travellin’ Thru by Dolly Parton” and greeted by a great dog, Mr. Warmie (I anyhow name him one)!

Imagine, once you come out your lift, you are greeted by a pretty golden retriever.

He tailed you down till the gate and said "bye bye".

Yeah, right … if only he could speak.

But I was followed by a Retriever this morning. Oh mi god, he was sooooooooooooooooo cute! Well, for those who know me, I always have weakness for dogs. And here it is, the warm furry friend that just stood next to me and followed me to the gate. I was wondering where his owner can be, leaving such beautiful creature behind. But never mind, he was by my side, should be safe lar hor…. I took the steps, he took the slope and hop hop, he reached the top first.

Shame on me -_- there goes my gym’s fee!

When I turned my back, I saw the owner’s maid was running from behind. “Come back you!”. Mr. Warmie here can’t be bothered and still stood next to me and enjoy the pat.

Anyway, what’s my point? Oh ya … it’s a beautiful day. It’s easy to spot a beautiful day when everything seems beautiful. It’s so hard to say “It’s a beautiful day” when there are you are so down and shit is just simply all over you. Your friends will try to tell you, “come on, look at the bright side, you are still alive, things will get better” but you are in pain and you just silently scream “ya right, it’s me who got this shit and not you. Of course you can say that.”

It’s hard to look up when you are down. It’s okay. Ignore what your friends are trying to say, though you know deep down in your heart it’s true, but just ignore it. Feel the sadness. Feel the pain. Be gloomy. Be as dark as you want it to be.

But just make sure when things finally look up, you remember to appreciate that it is a beautiful day and be thankful for it.

Thank you, Mr. Warmie. You brought smile to my day! Keep it up and keep running away from your owner and make other people’s days but don’t get lost ya!

Picture courtesy of www.darwinpress.com

Well I can’t tell you where I’m going, I’m not sure of where I’ve been
But I know I must keep travelin’ till my road comes to an end
I’m out here on my journey, trying to make the most of it
I’m a puzzle, I must figure out where all my pieces fit
Like a poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I’m just a weary pilgrim trying to find what feels like home
Where that is no one can tell me, am I doomed to ever roam
I’m just travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, I’m just travelin’ on

Questions I have many, answers but a few
But we’re here to learn, the spirit burns, to know the greater truth
We’ve all been crucified and they nailed Jesus to the tree
And when I’m born again, you’re gonna see a change in me

God made me for a reason and nothing is in vain
Redemption comes in many shapes with many kinds of pain
Oh sweet Jesus if you’re listening, keep me ever close to you
As I’m stumblin’, tumblin’, wonderin’, as I’m travelin’ thru

I’m just travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, I’m just travelin’ thru
I’m just travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, I’m just travelin’ thru

Oh sometimes the road is rugged, and it’s hard to travel on
But holdin’ to each other, we don’t have to walk alone
When everything is broken, we can mend it if we try
We can make a world of difference, if we want to we can fly

Goodbye little children, goodnight you handsome men
Farewell to all you ladies and to all who knew me when
And I hope I’ll see you down the road, you meant more than I knew
As I was travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, travelin’ thru

I’m just travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, I’m just travelin’
Drifting like a floating boat and roaming like the wind
Oh give me some direction lord, let me lean on you
As I’m travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, thru

I’m just travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, I’m just travelin’ thru
I’m just travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, I’m just travelin’ thru

Like the poor wayfaring stranger that they speak about in song
I’m just a weary pilgrim trying to find my own way home
Oh sweet Jesus if you’re out there, keep me ever close to you
As I’m travelin’, travelin’, travelin’, as I’m travelin’ thru
_____________________________________________________________

Courtesy of Transamerica (Soundtrack). Artist: Dolly Parton.

If song can speak, I bow to this piece.

Great work, Dolly!

I’m glad I had the opportunity to spend my after Xmas midnite all alone with the TV box right in front of me. Yeah, I’m quite a couch potato sometimes, bleh! It’s 26th Dec and 1215am with Channel 5. Thought there won’t be anything good but hey, since I’ve nothing much to do but lazing, I decided to watch this movie. After reading from some internet reviews, this show has 7.1/10 rating, let me give it a shot. And who knows, it’s one of the best company to walk through this Xmas time. Thank you, Channel 5. If anyone asked me how’s my Xmas? I’ll say, I’ve spent one night with Kiky.

My Dog Skip

(Image courtesy of www.whv.jp)

A true story based on a novel written by Willie Morris in 1996, about how his 9-year-old bday present has been his bestest friend and greatest mentor in life since then. He was an only child, a lonely one. His has no friends (not to mention girlfriend) and only had his grandpa and grandmas for his bday (as he had no one else to be invited when his mum passed him the invitation cards). On his 9th bday, his mum gave him a jack russel puppy even though his dad was strongly against it. (Clever mum, managed to strike a deal with the daddy - let Willie try for 2 weeks, if it doesn’t work, the dog will be returned). Of course it’s gonna last for more than 2 weeks and since then, their lives were never been the same again, especially for Willie.

I believe every one that has grown up and had deep encounter with a dog before, definitely able to relate with this story. It’s heart warming and it replays how wonderful a dog can be as a companion. Besides joy and fun, Skip has shown Willie the meaning of true friendship, unconditional love, life and death through its own unique way. Through Skip’s simply being itself, Willie managed to get to know the butcher, the poorer neighbourhood, 3 naughty buddies and held the hands of the prettiest girl in school. But of course, life has never been so smooth sailing. There was one scene where Willie was so upset with Skip that he hit Skip and Skip ran away. Being trapped in a cemetary which contained some illegal goods, Skip was beaten with a spade and nearly died. To cut the story short, Skip managed to survive and upon seeing the crying Willie, Skip just kissed him and act as if nothing has happened. Can human do that? Are human able to accept so unconditionally after being beaten and abandoned?

There was another scene where Skip will happily playing with the black kids. Well, discrimination was a big issue then, and the author put it so nicely by mentioning, since dog is colour blind, Skip plays with all kind of skins. Skip doesn’t care what’s your skin colour. Why can’t human learn from that sometimes?

"I was an only child and he was my only dog" - Willie Morris

Yes, I am an only child too and Kiky was and is my only dog ever. Even though I didn’t really experience such a lonely state like Willie did, but my life has never been the same since Kiky entered my life. I’m just taking this opportunity to thank God for sending Kiky to my life and for letting me experiencing her moments with me again through the show.

The movie ended with the phrase "He thought of Skip everyday" … well, Kiky, just to let you know, I think of you everyday too. Thank you for what you’ve given me. I believe there are more lessons to learn from your moments with me even though you are not physically near. But I know you are always there. Merry Xmas, Kiky.

Merry X’mas, Everyone! (Sorry one day late :p but still feel jolly, right?)

"Therefore being and non-being produce each other;

difficult and easy complete each other;

long and short contrast each other;

high and low distinguish each other;

sound and voice harmonize with each other;

beginning and end follow each other."

(Chapter 2, Dao De Jing - Lao Zi)

Today is 1212 …. Well without realizing, it’s the same numbers as previous entry. Interesting and yet freaky. What’s so special about this number? Well, for the past few weeks I’ve been seeing this number so often on watches, car plates, and my own computer clock. Whenever I turned my head, I saw 1212. It freaked me out. Then I checked with someone, does it have any meaning at all? Then I found out to some people, #12 represents a new beginning – a new start. And today I’m entering “the” new day – Monday to be exact – in quite a bizarre way.

What on earth am I talking about?

Through the start of the day, I felt different. I may be zombied out as I only had 4.5hrs sleep but I don’t think it’s due to that. Today is just so different that at each moment I thought I’m going berserk … lost touch of my feeling … lost touch of my thoughts … lost touch of me … Please don’t ask me why, don’t ask me how. It just happened and I’m not sure why myself.

I was busy at work too but I don’t think that’s the reason either, I don’t know why it just feels different. It’s like … if there are 2 sides of a coin, I’m living both at the same time today. I feel good and yet I feel bad. I am truthful but yet I’m deceitful. I was cranky and yet I am happy. I felt lost but I know for sure I’ve just found myself. Hmm … this reminds me of what Alanis Morissette said in “Ironic” –

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right

And life has a funny way of helping you out

When you think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

Again, life … today is presented so well in this long lasting symbol of harmony and complexity. Yin and Yang. Look at the symbol, there’s little bit black in white, and little bit white in black. In Yin, there’s Yang. In Yang, there’s Yin. Life works like that too. When you think everything’s good, there’s little bit of “not-good” in it and when you think something is not-so-good, there’s actually a little bit of goodness in it too. I’m not sure whether I’m making any sense as my eyes can hardly open and yet I’m trying to be sensical. (Ironic, again…) But, somehow today, I can feel 2 sides at once. Like how Joni Mitchell said in her song –

“I’ve looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose, and still somehow

It’s life’s illusions I recall

I really don’t know life at all”

Well, it’s been a really weird day. I don’t know how. I don’t know why and I’ll leave it that way. Guess, it’s really a very Yin-Yang-ish day today till I don’t know whether I’m Yin, Yang, Yin in Yang or Yang in Ying. Life has so many faces. Imagine what will you be if you are able to feel all feelings at the same time? Hmm …..

Okay, I’d better shut up. -_- ….

Om

Shanti.

Memories were piling up over the last few months

I have no clue how it started and yet it needs to end

Crazy it seems what we have been through

However, they are nothing but simply the truth

Endless emotions, words just can’t describe

Leave me breathless till death rips me apart

Dear life, love, lust and longing

Aren’t you wonderful but yet heart breaking?

Mystifying through words and feeling

Across any distance the mind can ever reach

Rogue - I’ve been and regrets I have none

Infinite lifetimes happened at once

Sonríe porque sucedió

When do you realise that something is so precious?

- when you had it then you lose it.

- when you have it but you don’t know it.

- when you can’t have it but you want it.

- when you have not had it but you know you will.

- when you realise you have been having it all along.

Are you aware of preciousness around you so far? Keep on loving it.

Thank YOU for making the entrance of my 25th year so meaningful. Thank YOU sincerely from the bottom of my heart. Life will never be the same without YOU.

Hi Life ….

Recently, you’ve brought me surprises. You’ve touched me so deep that I almost forgot I’m alive. Through simple things, through unexpectable events, you’ve again amazed me with your wisdom. Yes, I know it’s 1.59AM at night and yes I know I still haven’t finished my "drink" but I can’t help to tell you how much I love you, life … through the ups and downs … you’ve never failed to show me a purpose to all the twists and turns in life.

I learned something from the show "L-Word" (Season 2 Episode 06 - "Lagrimas de Oro" or Gold Tears)… a remarkable question that got me thinking at the moment ….  the full quote was as follow:

"You’ve begged, pleaded, plotted, screamed and flailed! And yet, you’ve still not got that thing. That one thing that you most want, that you can’t live without! But! Have you taken the ultimate risk: Have you made yourself vulnerable? Say to yourself, What is the most vulnerable position for me? How can I put myself at risk to lose everything that I have to lose? Because, when you risk losing everything, you invariably stand to gain everything."

I’ve been in the vulnerable position …. it was indeed scary but the experience was worth it. You don’t only gain wisdom but satisfaction. You’ll feel that you’ve been really alive for only that moment.

Never give up on life especially when you think you are going to lose everything, because that’s the moment you may have just gained everything. Thank you, Life. Thank you, Love. And thank you, Kiky … I’ve never forgotten you. Thanks for giving so much joy to my family and made all of us so "vulnerable" when you went away. But afterwards, you showed us what life really means. You are indeed an angel in disguise. Love ya, my lil sister… Nothing has been as wonderful as you …

Notice anything unusual here?

Yes, I know it’s a plant … yes yes … and it has 2 leaves -_- .. okie .. wat else … yes, there’s a window there … what else, Donna? Oh … it’s sprouting out from an egg … hhmm interesting.

Ah, well … but that’s not my point here. Something far more interesting is happening with this plant. This phenomenon has been learnt by most of us when we were studying biology. Can you remember what it is?

I can’t believe this "theory" I learnt in primary school can be an inspiring thought while I was daydreaming in my toilet watching at how these interesting leaves grow.  Well, I believe most of you know that plants will grow to the place where there’s sunlight. I heard it from primary school, secondary school and I believe even in high school they still repeat this sentence. But, as usual, we all take the fact for granted without drawing an essence out of mother nature’s way of living.

You see … those 2 leaves … have been "disturbed" by me quite a few times. :p … Don’t worry. I didn’t torture them … but I was amazed at why the 2 leaves are always facing the windows … so the next day, I played a trick on them after saying "eh leaves … why face the window ah …" I moved the direction and let the side of the leaves face the window.

Guess what happened the next day? You are right … they were trying to orientate themselves to the window again! Oh my …. I was laughing to myself and saying out loud like a mad woman in the toilet "wow … you all moved again ah… ok ok .. I’ll let you grow in peace now :-)" …. Put those 2 leaves back facing their favourite window.

You see, plants know what’s essential to them. Sunlight. It’s like one of the basic ingredient to grow and prosper. And no matter how I "disturbed" them, they will still try hard to look for sunlight, even though they have no legs … they will move towards the sun.

You think only these 2 leaves are teaching me this lesson in my toilet? Hell no. There’s another one like that. Let me show ya.

Notice the one at the center? When I bought them, the leaves are all facing the ceiling. Look what happen to them now.

Take a closer look

They all face one direction. My window. The sunlight. Even though they can’t touch the sun, (well, if they do, guess they’ll be BBQ-ed) they still grow towards it.

Sunlight to me is like our dream, our aspiration. It feeds our soul to grow bigger and higher than where we are now. It inspires us and challenges us to be more than what we used to be.

Even in the immobile state, a plant can try to orientate itself towards the light. Why not you?

Never let anyone or anything blocks you out from the light at the end of the tunnel. If plant can do it, so can we. It’s our right to grow and be more than what we already are.

Thank you Mr. and Ms. Plants for the lessons learnt today. I shall not disturb you any longer unless you have neck-ache, then I will relocate you and give you some massage. Happy growing towards your dreams, everyone.

A thought about money brought me closer to wondering whether this whole thing can be worse than a betting game. I heard some of you are asking me – “what thing?” Well, “Parenting” is my answer.

I was trying to sleep and counting my blessings and sending some vibrations of love to my parents who are islands away. Then it struck me, here I am praying for them but in actual fact what have I given them physically? Hmm … good question … answer is … so far … nothing. Not-a-thing. Money? They gave me more. Care? They out-win me. Pride? Oh, come on, I can’t even stand on my feet yet. So, why on earth I’m a child to them? Why do I ever exist? Another good question that’s worth pondering at

12.35AM

.

Throughout these 24 years I’ve experienced ups and downs with my parents, I believe most of us did too. Do you remember when we had a mind of our own and they would shun it and told us off and we found it ridiculous that they couldn’t see our points of view? Or, those moments when you thought something was so cool and yet they told us it’s a No No. I remember those.

I remember how I’d use my debating skills to defend my opinion and to prove myself right. I remember how I’d slam the door and ignore their yelling outside. Then suddenly I remember them sending me off to university with their hard-earned saving. And I remember their concern when I got diarrhea in

Singapore

when they couldn’t do anything to alleviate my pain as they were miles apart. I remembered the proud looks in their eyes when I finally graduated. I remembered their acceptance arms when I only landed in a lousy paying job and couldn’t afford to give them any money back. I remembered so many things … and all sum up in one word.

I remember "Love".

Why are they doing these to me? Why have they given so much and yet not asking anything in return? I saw other kids have paid tickets for their parents traveling session. And my parents didn’t ask for anything and till now they still give and give despite of the distance. Why? How do they do that?

If this is a betting game, this is worse than any lottery. It’s a bet with unknown return. At least when you pay for $1 ticket you are hoping to win $1,000 in prize. That’s 1000x in returns but parenting is worse than betting. It’s uncertainty. It’s mystery. It may come back with negative return even. Giving so much and yet still have to give when the kids still can’t stand on their own but yet, they still “bet” on us. Paid the doctors and hospital for labour process. Paid for schooling. Paid for food and housing. Paid for comfort and entertainment. Give … give … constant giving.

What are they betting for?

Parenting seems to be a unique betting game. It’s an unconditional one. What more can I say, parents are the greatest human beings ever alive. Despite the arguments, deep down in our hearts we know they are irreplaceable precious treasures of our lives.

Some of us may not be able to give a very good return for what they have “bet” on us. But the most we can do is to be there when they need us. To love them constantly and unconditionally despite of their weaknesses. To remind them that we love them and they are always in our hearts. To care for them when they are not able to care for themselves – just like how they cared for us when we couldn’t even walk.

I love you, mum and dad. What more can I say. You are the best parents I’ve ever had and Kiky has ever been proud of too. If there’s a next life, I would want to choose you as my parents again. It’ll be my honour.

In the end, it ain’t no betting game. Because it is love! No expectation. No conditions.

Thank you, mum and dad. Now I understand why you can’t stop giving. That’s simply the nature of love.